currently 10:21 in the morning and I've been up for a few hours now. it feels like a morning from high school. legit. I loved high school for the different experiences I had and at the place and state I was back then,... I'd just crumble to my knees if I ever got the chance to just see that girl again. it may be that a this month is finally turning around my life for me, but even so, have faith in me when I say, this is truly an Amazing feeling

Love, B

Another sleepless night

Rudy Fransiscooo

You want it so badly.. don't you? Then that's half the battle, my friend.

..the rest is entirely up to [Y]ou. reach out but stay humble, let nothing dampen your hopes, and allow your fears to fuel your dreams.

P.S. don’t forget to smile cus it all happened

I just wanted to say that I'm so grateful for all the outlets that I've been so blessed with in my life. to be honest, I don't know where I'd be if I never danced, sang, or wrote. each of these three have given me opportunities to explore what this world has to offer, and without one, both, or the other -

life would be meaningless, and I would be of no worth.

even more so, thank you for watching, listening, and reading what I've been able to spit out and create from everything I go under and take up. it means so much more than you think. I will never be able to merely depict the words or explain any means of affection to proclaim my appreciation for it all. I forever stand for the fact that an artist always puts a piece of themselves in their work; thank you for taking a shot at that piece of my very soul within the depths and care yours. all is love y'all

(___!___)

got me up til 4 in the morning just to say how much I miss my company fam haha. but what's real is real cus I honestly do. all those 4+ hours of practices followed by the 513841+ hours of tearin up pho, bbt, Chinese joints, Denny's the friggen STREETS afterward were worthwhile to the fullest lol. each day becomes it's best when I'm with them: those kind of days where you can't fall asleep cus you don't want it all to end and you can admit your dreams are shit compared to what's really goin on. I swear, if you give us a chance, you'd agree with me too. I can't wait for what the future has in store for us!.. there's just so much that they all have to offer. such hungry and humble people, I couldn't have asked for anything better. I love my 247 fam. no matter what supposed 'greater' opportunities approach, you guys really are my family now. thank you for everything thus far.

hahaaa :$

Love, B

just speaking for myself

truth.

it's so hard to stay true to your beliefs when you've been incredibly blessed with such an open mind and a pure heart. I'll stand for everything that Talib is talkin bout in this clip, because I've either witnessed or been educated about it myself. if you really dig down deep to the root of it all, we all believe in the same things whether we practice them differently or not or have been following them from certain respectable people. see, I've been told by others that it takes so much of a person to attest to that and be unshaken, but why do I still find myself trembling from a place so unknown to me? out of fear? embarrassment? helplessness?? maybe it's a good thing after all, a reminder of that exact impartiality, of that openness You've created for me. soon I hope to know.

Love, B

"What we all do is art, you know? We are noticers, we’re sensitives, we notice the rhythms in certain things and we identify them, and then we coin terms for them, and most of the world is not able to keep up. But some people just have that innate thing that allows them to express themselves in a way the majority can follow. That’s when you’re affecting culture."

- Pharrell Williams

some goods of the day

'tis what you do when you're sick on your day off.

cus I'm bored and this is cute

once in a blue moon I do 'em and trust, they actually make me think.

NEXTS:

Next person you’ll kiss: ha
Next movie you want to see: Despicable Me!
Next time you’re going out: tom night after 247
Next place you’ll take vacation: either the Phils or SD
Next thing you are going to do after filling this survey out: crash. long day ahead
Next thing you are going to eat: a bagel. or 2
Next time you plan to be drunk: nope!
Next thing you are going to do outside: enjoy the friggen SUN while I walk t

LASTS:

Last kiss: ha
Last person you hugged: Zen Nuuks
Last person you spoke to: the brother. 'Night'
Last alcoholic beverage: absolut like 4 years ago
Last movie: Toy Story 3 (L)
Last person you thought of: Lanie Valencia and her lovely chocolate cupcakes :$
Last school you went to: CCC
Last person you said I love you to: haha Lanie =)
Last run in with the Law: nope
Last fight you were in: haven't argued with my mom in a while
Last person you MSN’ed: Aj Cabanos!
Last thing you ate: chocolate chip mint ice cream
Last thing you saved up money for: haa.. SD trip

Firsts

First car: nope
First pet: nope
First computer: red Dell Inspiron
First concert: Rock the Bells Tour '09
First alcoholic beverage: absolut
First time you stayed out all night: only a lot of almosts. practicing at Ming's til 4am back in '05? o.O
First best friend: Jennifer Santos
First job: barista at Starbucks. rolling lumpia. $2.50/100 and I made 100 an hour. lol
First school: St. Andrew's Elementary
First movie you watched in a theater: Inspector Gadget!
First thing you really saved up money for: actually saved and actually spent was my nano haha

"I keep trying to catch my breath, but can't seem to..."

"...I love dance for a lot of reasons and one of those reasons is we can be who we want to be, feel what we want to feel, but still keep your true self. When I teach this piece I always tell my students to engage in the song and actually become the words. As silly as it sounds I tell them to act as a "rapper" to gain that confidence and "swag". It was so cool to see everyone transform and see everyone with a stronger attitude. I also tell them as soon as you walk out of my class to make sure you leave that persona in the studio. Being humble is a very important trait to me now. I sadly used to act like that, but I realized it wasn't me. Leave that attitude to the rappers/entertainers who actually have millions of dollars, nice cars, big houses, and can back up what they say. We are dancers not A-list celebrities."

taken off the info box below that vid on Youtube. this guy is so different now. I'll admit that I was never a fan of him before, cus even he admits that he had a whack attitude back then. as whack as it sounds on part, I love it when I become a fan of the now big time choreographers such as this guy. taking class from someone is so revealing. for me, it's like getting to know the person and trying to see or figure out what he/she sees and feels during the creation process as they're teaching.. forreal, personally it's like such a tremendous experience. ugh, an undescribable feeling. Brian's class was exactly like that. [might I add, my whole SD trip was EXACTLY like that] he kept telling us about how much he just loves Vancouver and how he wants stay (trust, he said it pretty often hahaha). he even apologized for not being able to take the classes before his because he was calling the airlines trying to rebook his flight and stuff. he even goes up to YOU trying to make conversation as well. still beating myself up right now cus I didn't get to thank him for class. [stuff like that is really important to me]

I'm sorry that I've been posting more vids than my own ish. it's been a while since I just sat and typed or wrote. on the real, I've just been so.. distracted? caught up? mm.. livin the life? haha. I'm sure I've noted it in previous posts (just not well enough), but dance has definitely taken over my life and I am so very happy that it is :) haha. deets deets later. I'm probs not even making any sense right now haha. skeet skeet.

Love, B

sweet, sweet Georgia

'twas a day of love, 'tis a day of longing. you know that feeling, when you were once close with someone or attached to something? for what seems longer than a while, you've grown in love with whatever it was, doing whatever it took to maintain security. it turn, it/he/she allowed for your own growth as a being, an inidividual, a mere subject of substance. of greatness, of rarity, of bliss (haven't used that word in a long time now, huh). you've taken a meticulous amount of care for [it]; gave more than a hundred percent whenever necessary. even then, seemed like every minute of every day was of importance since [he] never left you mind. you prayed about [her] before sleeping, smiled about [it] upon wakening, dreamt about [him] while day dreaming. there has never been and will never be such a person or thing that draws the body mind and soul into your efforts as [she] once did.

ha, I ain't talkin bout no boy or a man who stole my heart. as real as real, I'm speaking about music, my life as a musician. :$ the choral arts to be exact. I can go on and on for forever trying to akdshasu. explain? re-create? *sigh** can't even pick the right word. those words above alone took a while to let out. my blogs from March til June of last year paint the picture better. now that's some real shit right there.

I had the opportunity to visit my love today, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. "the feeling when you were once close with someone or attatched to something..." and then not seeing them for a while. I could care less about how awkward it feels to see all your homies again or the feeling the potential you once had now gone to waste, for example. more like, how it took Ally years to visit Noah again: something had to trigger it. (this applies to anything I've ever amount to as of late) sure as hell hope that it won't take me years tho



can we cover this one, love?

Love, B

so much for bloggin more often, eh? haha! I'd like to note that this is improvement, aright. lol. msn conversing with the GREAT Carmen Sit (L); she brought up the whole "dance as a career" thing. I told her how I think about it all the time and how I keep changing my mind and what not, but what I really loved actually, was her response to the same question. she's totally right!! especially with something as delicate as this. I'm not sure if I want to have something I('ve always) love(d) to be my job. haha, ironic huh. but forreal.. I don't know why haha! I mean, I don't want it to get tainted with all these bad as well as good experiences that arise, but of course I'd love to share what I've grown up with and detail why it's so important to me or how it's affected me. stuff like that y'know. I guess we shall see :) right now, I'm just in love with learning, and I hope to be for the rest of my life.

aaaanyway, just a couple good ones before I crash

no need for an intro on this one, lol

if you haven't already, meet Jill. she's friggen dope. me and her go waaayy back. haha we both started singing with the same instructor, same elementary school, same high school, same choir. shoooot (L)


night y'all!

Love, B

I know I ain't right

9:50pm and I've done prep for 1/10 possible essay Q's for my Engl final. actually, what a fool is I!? I've been on that same one for almost an hour now and not even half done. f[m]l is right. ha. but ye, finally gonna start blogging (at least almost) daily now. hella inspired by this love's awareness/confidence in the real. heading back to basics and just gonna write like tomorrow lives, how life feeds my enthusiasm for it in turn. excuse my lack of html skills :$

#nowwatching

man, I just realy miss singing.

I've never used the term before, but I believe it is roflcopter? HAHA

still got a 1200 word reflective essay to write as well as a bonus assignement that I def need to try to get to. yeah? =\

Love, B

there was something that I just reeeeally wanted to write down. I remembered during work actually, and I wanted to write like an 'X' or something on my knuckle so that I can just recall what happened at that time of day. I don't even remember if it was just a random memory that popped to mind, that 'angered baby' picture I can never get over, a kick in the azz that I needed, a "You-know-what-I-just-realized" type thing. or somethin. I didn't write mark an 'X' anywhere and I haven't written anything down. I hope it'll get at me soon (u) I guess there goes my 'X' then? hm.

anytoots, World Religions at 9am, Psych at 1pm.
be sure to mark your X's tom, k. make sure you foster even a hint of joy within that millisecond of your day. oh & smile. :)

Love, B

halfway to Destiny

such perfect timing ...

chyup, my Moleskine has def taken over. gonna try my best and keep up with this of course and not use my tumblr. ever.. hahaha. gonna keep this short and sweet tho.

this week's been hella good. in total, I've had about 12 hrs of dance and that's not including Sickstylz, Set It Off, or the rehearsal time in between both on Sunday. shoot, can't believe that I used to rehearse for hours on end every single day too cus right now I'm HELLA beat. it's been amazing tho. Bianca and Tracy from Choreo Cookies and Andrew from So Real were in town for Don't Stop the Love. got to hang out and take class with as well as from them too. I've learned so much just from those 3 in and out of the studio, I can never feel anymore humbled.

cutting down to it tho, never realized how much I've been losing myself in alla this ish that's been going on lately. I mean, 'tis why I haven't been blogging [and sometimes writing]. not cus I'm emo lol, but cus I've just been really trying to figure and sort things out. really trying to understand why things are the way they are or turn our the way they do and just make something out of it.

m a k e s o m e t h i n g o u t o f i t . . . see that's what I've been forgeting. I read this little thang offa something somewhere some time this week saying "You don't find yourself, you create yourself." it hit me so hard cus I've been living exactly that first bit almost my entire life because of how rough it's always been. but that's just it. I've been losing sight of where I've come from. how each day I would literally take all of it, the good the not so great, lay it right in front of me, and fashion it into something else. 'tis where my Music comes from. don't matter if you see it or not, but I leave my heart and soul out there on stage or in the studio. not to impress people, not even to impress myself, but cus those two are places are where I can not only be happy with myself but also be proud of myself. proud of were I've come from, how I got there, and for what will come next. proud that I can triumph no matter what. proud that there's some sort of good in this world, that there's a place I can settle in. proud that there's a place for a girl like me whose dreams are too big to reach sometimes. haha.

with that said, you create You. don't let anybody stop you from just doing so.

Love, B

hi, I need to blog more. writing in my legit Moleskine has kept me from doing so, lol [btw, I got one last month!! srsly need to update man].

kinda random but, AHH!! I love hip hop:) Really lovin' this Indie stuff too. Much love to Ashleigh Ball & Hey Ocean! and Ms. Jaycelyn Brown & Said The Whale<3 Epiphany right now that just begged for me to write:

"I love this 'swagg' style cus of this confidence that erupts from me while [performing the choreography of the sort]. Even more so, I'll always have my heart in R&B....All the feelings involved[,] the commitment required to grasp the connection with the music[,] that urgency & just how foreign the process feels [...It all] just makes me work harder [unleashing something almost immaculate]."

Shaun Evaristo you are amazing[.]

Love, B

I love to love

it's so beautiful to just let it out, forcing whatever you've been keeping in the back burner to jump out and just hope for a bittersweet ending at the very least. just as well, it's amazing what happens when you just put yourself out there. even further, it's so uplifting when you catch yourself doing something you never thought you would. & so you see yourself doing it, feeling the weight of the matter at your very fingertips, and you're just laughing to yourself cus you think you're crazy. sometimes you follow through, or maybe you're just too embarrassed, ashamed, or frazzled and try to collect the remainders of that instant, hoping it'll never happen again.

I just ranted on my 'private blog' about how sh/tty my life's been as of late. how ready I am to collapse under my feet cus of I'm so irritated with my reflection of self; some crazy ish like that. I know that I'm lying to myself at least a little when I reason it's because I'm scared I might hurt people with whatever I'm trying to say. in everything I do in life, I try to stay committed with an honest heart. therefor, you can't please everyone right?

but of course I'm lying to myself. haha, not saying I'm going to tell all on this blog rather than my other one and vice versa. I'm just saying, don't let yourself do and not do things out of fear of something or someone else (unlike myself). don't restrict your abilities or act with haste. likewise, don't let other peoples' opinions or how you were brought up or certain levels or thinking serve as barriers for your own expansion of thought. for you'll miss everything in between, which is what really counts. take the time and take note of everything that's been placed before you and love that journey from that place to the next. it's only then that you realize who you are and who you'll become, maybe even in a figurative sense for someone else. well of course you can't help but smile cus it happened, maybe even laugh a little, right?


Love, B