Thank God for time, cus now I finally have time to write. I've neglected to blog primarily cus of exams but majority would be cus my proc ess of filtering hasn't been too successful. But I do realize that I usually blog around the same time... Ladies, holler if you heeear me ;) Brava if you caught that clue but aaaanyway...

Exams were alright? Ha ha, this whole time I thought I was getting a 90 in Lit but newp. Nannery always told me not to worry about how i'm doing in her class, but I don't really know what that means anymore=\ hahaha. like I mentioned earlier, filtering hasn't been so great. Hooray for an 86 on the exam I was the most confident with. I should be happy right? But that was pretty much how I've been doing since the beginning. A lot of people who had once asked me for help like crazy are now flying past me. They deserve it of course, but there goes the only award I thought I'd be able to grab at grad. Ineed to filter. Math was bomb. Bomb in the bunk kind of way, btw. I've never failed a subject in my life. & I'm tired of blaming Millward and then myself. Tired of blaming, and then nothing. With gutless feelings. Momma didn't say much about it. One word, actually. I can only picture how much she's yelling at me inside her head though. It's to be expected from the one who was always top 3 with 99% in her class. Also expected cus I should be among the top in my class. Ahaaaa..

I honestly don't know about sickstylz or even dance in general. Thanks Marc for that second talk, but we all gotta pull our own as well as each other's weight man. I learn most from other people, but since it's pretty much been a dictatorship, nothing's been happening. I don't know man.. I don't know. Of anything

Choir.. haha, missed the first Chamber class back. But I didn't get in trouble! Yee. I deserve that mark on the written exam. I studied of course, not as well as I should have though. Sweet deal, performing for the Senate in two weeks. Or is the Senator? Haha.

God, I'm still working on it, I promise. My A in my rel essay proj stands for that! Aha, I guess our void and moreso, (mis)understanding of each other is normal in everyone's journey. But please come back quick. I'm tired of being Mother Teresa and just acting like everything is as strong as ever between us when it's not. When I had faith in You, I had faith in myself. Look at me now. No, don't look at me I'm pitiful. 'Like my momma,' says my pa. Ha. Too bad I love my ma, pops

Bottom line is, I have pretty much been wasted potential. That goes for the last three years of my highschool life as well. I need inspiration; I need to filter. I know i shouldn't be looking for it, I gotta let my muse find me, but I'm not the one that just waits for things to happen. I'm stuck. God help me. Then again it's just one of those days right? Huh

Sincerely B

b r b ...

Thank the LORD for days off yo. Got to sit, stand, and chiiiiill...

spent the whole day out!! F/CK yeah!!:) woke up early for nothing (haha i'm used to it/dont mind anymore) . Original plan was to head Downtown with brother at 10, but we got lazy and realized nothing was open til 12 anyway, ahaha. Haha eff, proof of how GG I am with Downtown:$ Anytoots, left the house at 11.Went around Gastown (sad to say, I haven't been there in a whole year:$:$). Went to the usual dope stores: Alife, Complex, Livestock, Goodfoot. Took the liberty of going to some new ones too: Obakki and (finally) the new Stussy store. Girlies with sass, check out Obakki I strongly encourage you. Dropped off food for my brother cus I almost made him late=\ met up with Jo and met her friends. Nathalie's so chill, aha. Eff, fooled me into thinking you were Filipino too hhahahaha. Chilled around Downtown for a bit then to TGI's at Metro. Jace and Jel were working!!!! Usual Jack Daniel ribs... I believe... with something else (got the party platter this time). Jel lost his tooth again!:( Poor Arjel=( Jace thought our comment card was lame. Sheesh, we only missed you thaat much. I hope you found your tip (u). Headed to Church (so happy to admit btw).Then we departed and off to bro's work we go. Helped Ming with her close; she was 1 hour behind =\ Went home.

Today was hella nice. Shoot, watched re-runs of The Hills, One Tree Hill, and Gossip Girl as well as the premiers of Bromance and The City (L) the whole damn day. Dang yo, even went back to my roots and ate some freaking Daing and rice with my hands HAHAHAHAHA! Oh geeez...shout out to the fobs out thuuurr. Ate tonnes of chocolate throughout the day too:$ Aww man, it was such a good day today; got to relax from my stressful, music inspired, educated, and sleep deprived life.

& from my days of no work I love a few things just a bit more:

1. Hellz Bellz Dresesd to Kill

Drool... I think I just want the Plain white T come to think of it.

Yeah, I 'm pretty sure I'm behind on what's in this season...

But I still want it.

2. My brother

Yuh, I know corny. But f/ck ya'll!! Aha, but of course, the lovely Joana had to smack my face with it.

While me and my bro were waiting for the bus, we were talking about how not-sogreat our Christmas was (again) this year. I brought up how I don't want a debut because I don't want a father-daughter dance; same for my un-want for him to be at my grad my wedding and every significant day of my life that requires some sort of connection/reference with a father.

"I'll hand you off (referring to my wedding)" need I say more?

3. TV!!!!!!

Shoot, I just haaad to realize this while watching One Tree Hill. Haaaa...

But anyway, I am: extreeemely bitter, likewise extremely happy, & crazily cautious because I'm freaking scared, yo. Scared of people getting too close to me. I'm scared that they'll see the real me; the person I, myselft, am afraid of. Weird, eh? Haha, I guess that's why a lot of people don't prefer to maintain let alone make eye contact with the other. Hahahaha & I guess how 'its as if they're looking into your soul' is f/cken RIGHT. HAHA! Also, I can't always do a million things for other people leaving me last. So straight up, haha & I know I sound so arrogant (sorry, but I'm not). I can't always be all the Nate Archibalds for the spoiled and hot Blairs of this world. But I can't helpt it. One more thing that tops my list for New Year's Resolutions. I'm learning, I'm learning.

Oh yeah! I'm actually making those this year! I always thought they were stupid since I don't really know of anyone who actually went through with them, I guess that's the point of them though, realizing how lazy and ignorant we all are. I'm lazy! & ignorant! + I think that actually setting goals for myself will help me. I've been neglecting that for years now; awlways trying to grow up faster than I already am. Sheesh! Gotta take it slooowmo...

Sorry for the long blog. Screw you if you were impatient. (L)

Peace for now.

New found love

...in music! Fooled ya!

"Mateo is on a mission to make the world feel again."

“People don’t feel anything anymore..."

"Back in the day, it wasn’t about crazy runs. For example with Donny Hathaway, it was all about his voice and not the beat underneath it. R&B now is all about hollow hip-hop beats and simple melodies, there’s no cleverness to love songs anymore”

“I don’t want to be so affected that all I can see is the worst in everything...There’s beauty in the world, but we don’t take the time to notice it"

"If you have a passion or a dream, any road that takes you away from that is taking you away from your true self"

"[For Mateo] it’s all about the vibe, the voice, and of course…the music"



...Spoken like a true artist; a true person.

Wth's wrong with me. Why can't I write. Why does frusteration get in the way of creativity. Eff my life, I just want to finish my homework.

/(mini)vent