Sunday, February 22

Sooo, Beebs is currently tired tired tired!:( Like reeeally tired. I've had two days this week now when I was fortunate enough to have 10 hours of sleep but I'd still be tired. & not like an over-slept kind of tired cus I know how that feels. :( I've been pretty consistant with my sleep these days before prior too, altering my pattern because of stupid chamber everyday. Except for that one night.. no more phone calls, B. There's a reason why you've stopped doing those. I guess that was what through me off. But anyway.. Looking back, I haven't had a break since before midterms I think. That also doesn't count the studying I put in for midterms, so reeeally... since before Christmas:( I really do wish I can blog everyday or at least every so often. My heart breaks (in ways more than one..) BUT...

Seattle soon, wuh wuuuhh. Freaking flashback yo. I am never doing that again. Hell no Tin, you are not going to talk me in to it. Only in Seattle man. Haha, hopefully that saying will apply to this year as well.

btw, :$...
this is really cute. Guess away!


Sincerely, B

Monday, February 2

Thank God for time, cus now I finally have time to write. I've neglected to blog primarily cus of exams but majority would be cus my proc ess of filtering hasn't been too successful. But I do realize that I usually blog around the same time... Ladies, holler if you heeear me ;) Brava if you caught that clue but aaaanyway...

Exams were alright? Ha ha, this whole time I thought I was getting a 90 in Lit but newp. Nannery always told me not to worry about how i'm doing in her class, but I don't really know what that means anymore=\ hahaha. like I mentioned earlier, filtering hasn't been so great. Hooray for an 86 on the exam I was the most confident with. I should be happy right? But that was pretty much how I've been doing since the beginning. A lot of people who had once asked me for help like crazy are now flying past me. They deserve it of course, but there goes the only award I thought I'd be able to grab at grad. Ineed to filter. Math was bomb. Bomb in the bunk kind of way, btw. I've never failed a subject in my life. & I'm tired of blaming Millward and then myself. Tired of blaming, and then nothing. With gutless feelings. Momma didn't say much about it. One word, actually. I can only picture how much she's yelling at me inside her head though. It's to be expected from the one who was always top 3 with 99% in her class. Also expected cus I should be among the top in my class. Ahaaaa..

I honestly don't know about sickstylz or even dance in general. Thanks Marc for that second talk, but we all gotta pull our own as well as each other's weight man. I learn most from other people, but since it's pretty much been a dictatorship, nothing's been happening. I don't know man.. I don't know. Of anything

Choir.. haha, missed the first Chamber class back. But I didn't get in trouble! Yee. I deserve that mark on the written exam. I studied of course, not as well as I should have though. Sweet deal, performing for the Senate in two weeks. Or is the Senator? Haha.

God, I'm still working on it, I promise. My A in my rel essay proj stands for that! Aha, I guess our void and moreso, (mis)understanding of each other is normal in everyone's journey. But please come back quick. I'm tired of being Mother Teresa and just acting like everything is as strong as ever between us when it's not. When I had faith in You, I had faith in myself. Look at me now. No, don't look at me I'm pitiful. 'Like my momma,' says my pa. Ha. Too bad I love my ma, pops

Bottom line is, I have pretty much been wasted potential. That goes for the last three years of my highschool life as well. I need inspiration; I need to filter. I know i shouldn't be looking for it, I gotta let my muse find me, but I'm not the one that just waits for things to happen. I'm stuck. God help me. Then again it's just one of those days right? Huh

Sincerely B