Monday, December 29

Thank the LORD for days off yo. Got to sit, stand, and chiiiiill...
spent the whole day out!! F/CK yeah!!:) woke up early for nothing (haha i'm used to it/dont mind anymore) . Original plan was to head Downtown with brother at 10, but we got lazy and realized nothing was open til 12 anyway, ahaha. Haha eff, proof of how GG I am with Downtown:$ Anytoots, left the house at 11.Went around Gastown (sad to say, I haven't been there in a whole year:$:$). Went to the usual dope stores: Alife, Complex, Livestock, Goodfoot. Took the liberty of going to some new ones too: Obakki and (finally) the new Stussy store. Girlies with sass, check out Obakki I strongly encourage you. Dropped off food for my brother cus I almost made him late=\ met up with Jo and met her friends. Nathalie's so chill, aha. Eff, fooled me into thinking you were Filipino too hhahahaha. Chilled around Downtown for a bit then to TGI's at Metro. Jace and Jel were working!!!! Usual Jack Daniel ribs... I believe... with something else (got the party platter this time). Jel lost his tooth again!:( Poor Arjel=( Jace thought our comment card was lame. Sheesh, we only missed you thaat much. I hope you found your tip (u). Headed to Church (so happy to admit btw).Then we departed and off to bro's work we go. Helped Ming with her close; she was 1 hour behind =\ Went home.

Today was hella nice. Shoot, watched re-runs of The Hills, One Tree Hill, and Gossip Girl as well as the premiers of Bromance and The City (L) the whole damn day. Dang yo, even went back to my roots and ate some freaking Daing and rice with my hands HAHAHAHAHA! Oh geeez...shout out to the fobs out thuuurr. Ate tonnes of chocolate throughout the day too:$ Aww man, it was such a good day today; got to relax from my stressful, music inspired, educated, and sleep deprived life.

& from my days of no work I love a few things just a bit more:
1. Hellz Bellz Dresesd to Kill
Drool... I think I just want the Plain white T come to think of it.
Yeah, I 'm pretty sure I'm behind on what's in this season...
But I still want it.
2. My brother
Yuh, I know corny. But f/ck ya'll!! Aha, but of course, the lovely Joana had to smack my face with it.
While me and my bro were waiting for the bus, we were talking about how not-sogreat our Christmas was (again) this year. I brought up how I don't want a debut because I don't want a father-daughter dance; same for my un-want for him to be at my grad my wedding and every significant day of my life that requires some sort of connection/reference with a father.
"I'll hand you off (referring to my wedding)" need I say more?
3. TV!!!!!!
Shoot, I just haaad to realize this while watching One Tree Hill. Haaaa...
But anyway, I am: extreeemely bitter, likewise extremely happy, & crazily cautious because I'm freaking scared, yo. Scared of people getting too close to me. I'm scared that they'll see the real me; the person I, myselft, am afraid of. Weird, eh? Haha, I guess that's why a lot of people don't prefer to maintain let alone make eye contact with the other. Hahahaha & I guess how 'its as if they're looking into your soul' is f/cken RIGHT. HAHA! Also, I can't always do a million things for other people leaving me last. So straight up, haha & I know I sound so arrogant (sorry, but I'm not). I can't always be all the Nate Archibalds for the spoiled and hot Blairs of this world. But I can't helpt it. One more thing that tops my list for New Year's Resolutions. I'm learning, I'm learning.

Oh yeah! I'm actually making those this year! I always thought they were stupid since I don't really know of anyone who actually went through with them, I guess that's the point of them though, realizing how lazy and ignorant we all are. I'm lazy! & ignorant! + I think that actually setting goals for myself will help me. I've been neglecting that for years now; awlways trying to grow up faster than I already am. Sheesh! Gotta take it slooowmo...

Sorry for the long blog. Screw you if you were impatient. (L)

Peace for now.

Saturday, December 27

New found love music! Fooled ya!

"Mateo is on a mission to make the world feel again."

“People don’t feel anything anymore..."

"Back in the day, it wasn’t about crazy runs. For example with Donny Hathaway, it was all about his voice and not the beat underneath it. R&B now is all about hollow hip-hop beats and simple melodies, there’s no cleverness to love songs anymore

“I don’t want to be so affected that all I can see is the worst in everything...There’s beauty in the world, but we don’t take the time to notice it"

"If you have a passion or a dream, any road that takes you away from that is taking you away from your true self"

"[For Mateo] it’s all about the vibe, the voice, and of course…the music"

...Spoken like a true artist; a true person.

Thursday, December 18

Wth's wrong with me. Why can't I write. Why does frusteration get in the way of creativity. Eff my life, I just want to finish my homework.


Sunday, December 14


How could I have failed to mention the saddest moment of my life!!!! Quad grande americano cutie is gone forever!!!!!!!!!!! Of all the damn days you had to stop by to say goodbye:( You know I don't work Thursdays!!:'( I just knew it, you like Elly :( I guess I'll see you in 6 months then... or I'll just move to Edmonton... & I just found out Max's and the other cute friend Ryan's names last week :( Haha! How lame am I...
My heart is forever broken. :(

HAHA! shiiiiiiiii'
(exasperated sigh)
It's been my goal since forever at random points in my life to blog everyday
despite the kind of day I've had/been having.
I just wanted to write.
About anything: my care-free day, my frusterating test, the lame joke Jessica told me, the stupid drama people come up with, my emo-ness ness, sudden realizations and what not.
But of course, something always gets in the way.
Whether it be lame homework, annoying tiredness, or my stupid forgetful memory, I cannot keep up with myself as well as my supposed simple goal.

But actually, I've reeeally been thinking about it.
Therefore I have come to the conclusion that I simply choose not to write.
& for a while, I've been in deeep 'metacognition' and have been trying to understand why I didn't want to write.
Hlysht did it bug me, haha.
But I chose not to write about the emotional stress that I go through, good or bad.
I don't like dwelling on the shit I got; to see it everyday, to read it everyday.

Today, however, marks history.
...Haha, but I'm not going to tell you what has driven me to this epiphany (sucka). For once in my life, I don't want to know or even think about what your thinking if I were to tell you.

If you can find the revelance of Jericho/ Soo/ fish/ Edmonton? Calgary.../ September 30/ August 24/ December 11 together, than holy fck I guess I've found my soulmate. Reveal yourself!! Haha!

Tuesday, December 9

Hahaha I like how this post is exactly after the previous Encounter. But aaaanyways...

I feel so unsatisfied. My Encounter experience wasn't as fulfilling as I had hope for; I'm pretty sure that this is not resulting in my high expectations of it either. Not saying that I did not enjoy it, however. Everyone has made comparisons to YFC in saying that it is 'waaayy better', which I will agree with. The way the sessions and discussions are held and what not. But for me on a personal level, & though I did try, I was not able to let go of the things I was planning to so as to make this weekend "life changing". & I feel so shiiiiitty. After this Encounter, I wanted to become a new person and look at things even more different than I do now. I wanted/needed that inspiration that I have been longing for. I just feel so empty. I thought that I was only feeling so let down and angered last night. I woke up this morning in a better mood though! Sill no revelation though

& I am so bummed (to say the least).

Now I am sitting on my chair still attempting to freaking finish my english essay for my project. Normally this is peace easy for me. oh btw, my teacher gave me an extension; supposed to be due exactly last week. Wth man. Words cannot illustrate how frusterated I am with myself. I want to cry just to let it all out, but I can't. I just need some sort of inspiration that doesn't occur for only one moment in the day filling that bigass void within me. Was hoping it would be Encounter...

God, I miss You.
Pleeease come back into my life.
I need to go back to who I am; who I was.
I need You.