Saturday, October 31

To the King of Pop

so I watched This Is It with Jp, Shay, Cas, Marc, Shauna, and Ralph just a couple hours ago, & I can honestly say that it was one of the best nights of my life. I tweeted and facebook-ed saying something like, "'s all the inspiration you'll ever need in life, dancer or not." plain and simple, that 'movie' surpasses all the countless hours of youtube for a life time haha! I remember telling Kuyopet a couple days ago not to make fun of me if I cried:$ but I didn't realize exactly how much I would. I not only cried throughout the whole thing cus I was just so touched/was in awe, but also cus I didn't want to blink and miss even a mere second of any of it. the concert would have been extremely monumental for me since his last performance was over a decade ago; I could actually remember it this time. but he could not have left us in any better way.. "It's all for love." I wish everyone would just understand that.

we all left feeling so inspired, so moved and enraptured of what we were so fortunate to observe. of course we kept talking about the outstanding dance scenes (not that the whole movie wasn't outstanding) while mimicking them as well. we were all just so happy. there were some pretty extreme winds everywhere rattling the trees and such, but neither did it bother us or even make us feel cold at all. I even rolled down the window a little once my mom had picked me up from the skytrain just to let the wind blow in my face. I really wanted to take in as much as I could of the whole experience, though they were just winds.

Thank you so much for your love, Michael. I couldn't have done it in any better way.

Thank you.
thank you, thank you, thank you
r i p

Love, B

Sunday, October 25

today was too beautiful of a day, just want to be able to look back on it.

first off it literally was a beautiful day. the sun felt really warm + the winds were blowing so nicely, unlike how its been these past few days. I went all the way to UBC to grab some books for my research paper. I finally got to see what makes the campus so beautiful: autumn leaves everywhere, barely any people too [obviously since its a Saturday; I can actually hear myself in the SUB too]. got to explore A LOT more of the campus since the Music Library was kinda sorta on the other side. it took me a while to actually find it haha cus I thought the library was its own building. but wow was it rewarding. I felt like I was in Raise Your Voice; everywhere I turned there was something going on. I was just walking down the halls for a couple min and heard a Fine Arts group, (beautiful) pianist, and (stunning) opera singer rehearsing. it felt so(ul) good to feel such artistry again. goodness, I'm gonna change my topic I think..

"Every perfect work is the death mask
of its intuition.
The work is the death mask of conception." - Walter Benjamin
"...The death mask conjures a fleeting moment: the face frozen in death yet warm with life."

!!!! that was what the book began with! After finally getting the books I needed, I headed straight to Fitness Unlimited for Porson's workshop. shit was craaaazy yo. can't believe Vancity's dance community isn't as well known still. we gotta get on the map man, too much good shit in here haha. I missed Porson's and Donnel's collabo tho:( Bonus' was chiiiiill and Jerome & Ross: cotdamn as always. I hope they use that set for 24/7 or somethin. afterward I got hypothermia from drinking a slurpee and a Starbucks Double Shot outside while waiting for my bus. just kidding. but I was fuhreeeezing. then I arrived home to this. I miss those boys man <3

Too many good things happened today. could I be closer to home?.. *knock on wood**

Love, B

Sunday, October 18


this vid brought a lot of things into light for me, yet still, I can't quite make them out. "...trying to ignore your fears though they are still at your heels... But I believe deep inside where we want to be is home. To be where we are loved best of all. Wherever home is: family, friends, with God; no matter how far we stray away, its something inside us we always look for. We live searching for that comfort. A whole and pure sort of love."

Home... I have no idea where that is. I've been searching for that place for such a long time, but how do I know what I'm looking for or where it may be? what if it's not even real? I know I sound crazy for there's a "home" for everyone, even those unsheltered. but if I haven't gotten a clue as to what it actually felt like to once be there.. likewise if I have no memory of such a love or time.. then why do I still feel crummy? can't recall the last time I've entered a room just beeming cus I knew it'd be a good day. I'm not emz, forreal. haha. I just hate my stubborn persistence in catching fire, trapping wind, staring directly at the sun.

despite everything, I still live; I still love. & I am content.
therefor, this vid gives me hope.

on the other hand, Happy Birthday Donnel. thank you for your contemplative mind and heart, forreal. I really was looking forward to seeing you at prac today, aha.

"Minds innocent and quiet take / that for an hermitage." - Richard Lovelace
Love B