Monday, March 30

whole again

Sooo instead of writing my Hamlet essay (which will, btw, determine my mark for the upcoming reoprt card. & since I haven't really been progressing... ah haaaaa...shoot.), I am going to blog!!! Just wanted to end off the day on a good note...

Today was a pretty profound day for me; probably the realest ish in a long time. All I gotta say is i i i i love love love love dance dance dance dance. Ryanimay, you are my inspiration. I take you with me to every practice or whatever dance joint it may be just so that I can keep to the dreams that I currently sleep of. Cus shoot, I sweat bullets now, yo; can't stop won't stop. And I plan to keep it that way. Yeeeee. We freestyyyyled today too, yo. Feels good to see everyone chill out for a few minutes each. Hooolly, we haven't done that as a crew in a DANG long time. Shoot, I haven't freestyled in a dang long time!!!! I've been asking Kuyopet every now and then if we'd be having a sesh soon cus I've been soooo deprived.

"It's not about how many hits you can get. Don't even think about those, they'll come naturally and eventually. Try to find the groove of the song, do what its telling you to do."

FINALLY someone is on the same page as me. & daym did I let loose. Though a slow start, shoooot...I never knew I could do it! I felt loved again, yo. Doing my thing smack in the middle without a care in the world. Pushing eeeeverythang aside just to be free for dem 30 sceonds or so. Feeling the way I've been feeling for a while evolve for that one moment. Committing to it, never letting it go. Smiling, inside and out, with Passion written all over my body. It was such a moment of bliss: being reunited with my first love again... never knew that I be fallin' in love again. God knows how much I missed ya. Never thought that I'd get the love from ya'll the way I did, being on hiatus and all. Gato, you make my heart melt:$:$:$

On the way to singkil practice, I actually made sense of something: I don't mind procrastination at all. Of course, I'd prefer not to linger around that area whenever possible buuutt... I love a lot of stuff about it: the pressure it brings, the focus it calls for, the outcome of brilliance usually found. More so, the mere fact that hard work and BIG efforts are almost always recognized . Just the fact that I can say "Heeeeyy giiiiiiirl" cus I actually pulled through when I thought I couldn't . I guess there's 3 good notes for today.

Sincerely, B'Bay'Bita

Monday, March 23

Filing Cabinet

What a chill springbreak. Updates later

But I've been thinking and thinking and thinking. & thinking. & not writing. Or not blogging. Some thoughts have been distasteful and then there were thoughts of love. Some of complete goodness and then there was chillness-ness. Though obviously contemplation, there's a "wish list", per say. During these past couple days people have been talking about diaries and journals and stuff like that. One of my homegirls has had her diary since her first "boyfriend" (2003/4?) and she's been writing ever since. Mami even had to write extra super small and would have to shorten her entries so that they can fit on the back cover cus she finished all the paper! Cotdamn. Other homegirl, Bing, just got a journal pretty recently, however, it's still untouched. She has another for her writing class, in which she writes in every class before the in-class pieces that were required for the day. I like that. I know I talk about it almost every entry here (so I'll word it differently), but writing before the writing that counts is hella good for the mind: gets rid of all the crap in the way of genius. Now my girl, Newbs.. She and I are on the same page. We share a wishlist:$ aha, and we both have intentions of writing it down. I'll leave that open to your discretion... Then there were other forms of journals&diaries: blogspots, xangas, "Asian agendas", planners, etc, etc. Each just another way of documenting life.

I remember saying to myself that these forms of documents are so lame, "childish" if you may. I spoke so low of them that I cheated in school... We had a journal for our Christian Ed class. Since our teacher would only take a look to see if we made efforts, I just copied random paragraphs from handouts or something, aha! Now that I think back, I really wish I had a journal, diary, whatever. Something in writing. Having written form of how my life has been would have been, for serious, amazing for me (haha, try to wrap your tongue around that one). Reading 'em again would have been such a satisfying feeling to have laughs and tears of total reminisce. I take more value into things in writing. For me it's literal heart, time, effort, thoughtfulness, realness-ness. Hell is yes we're a much more technology based generation, but I got mad love for Mami, Bing, and Newbs. For keeping their storied in tact, creating the story of their lives.

In the mean time, I'll be on the search for one of my own. To keep records of mine own. I'll leave that to your discretion

Sincerely, B

Monday, March 16

Couch Potaaato

So it's a super nice day outside, nice breeze sun shining minimal clouds. Right now, however, I prefer to stay inside. How typical, B. Scratch that, all the sun's gone. But there's no more rain! Who am I kidding, I love the rain hahaha. Oh goodness, I'm rambling again. Nonetheless, an oppurtune time to gather and recollect while I prospect this retrospect that causes clutter. A lot stuff's has been going on around me, obvi I can't help but observe (but never intrude). A lot of speculations, un-thoughtfulness, opinionated peoples, hate, misjudgements, absolute rudenss, etc etc etc. Sucks that it's all negative, fsho. So I'd just like to say:

I hope you'll understand this time around. You can go about yo' biiiidnezz now. Unfortunately I was able to synthesize this long rant that resulted from your antics (editted version):

"[You] hurting everyone, and more so, [yourself] gives me reason to drop [people like you].
Because in hurting people I selflessly care about, [you] don't realize [you're] hurting yourself internally more than you think.
Since [you're] not aware of it being all caught up in the 'blissful' and 'flawless' beginning, the reality [you've] been avoiding will come full circle and with full force.
Then [you'll] come crying back expecting [me] to be the same selfless person [I've] always been."

As for you, I am officially over you. Nothing's different, nothing at all: I'm still tired of your games,
still considering your side, still thinking about you... but now, I'm choosing not to put up with it no more, not even for you. You can go and chase your dream now, I really don't blame you at all (though the bitterness that may be perceived). Thanks for lying to me all these years. Thanks for letting me fall for your tricks. Thanks for allowing me to change myself for you. Thanks for not caring. Thanks for never knowing.

Thursday, March 5

Bittersweet: Reminisce that shiiiiii'

seattle TOMORROW yo! FINALLY, cotdamn. This performance has been waiting for me, man. But let's recall OG Seattle'07 when:

- Melodramatic existed. Haha! Miss you Jesse, Kyla, Nancy, Veronica?.................. :S.........
- 6th overall at IDC! The black stripe.. L O L M A N ! ! ! HAHA shoot, that's lame. This newb all girl group out placed us. They were really good though. We saw an American Severin!! Haha! He was dope. When krump was still emerging into the mainstream...
- My first time! HAHA eff "Absolut's the devil".. f/ckin RIGHT! I pretty much finished that bottle, ugh. & our shots were so inaccurate, like Mexican shot glasses x2!! Shoot, if we followed original plans and went to that party... Btw, the BIGGEST hangover ever. Ugh, yucks man. I still felt drunk throughout the entire (following) day. Puked everywhere around the outlets x68764644. Didn't get to shop:( That's how gross I felt. My moms knew too.. She thought there was something wrong with me:S She thought that I would stay rebz forever... Cus you know, I totally am. HAHA !!
- Snap, first time clubbing too! HAHAHA how could I have forgotten?!! & our moms dropped us off at the club too! HAHA yeeeeuh. I thought the club sucked, otherwise Seatown boys can't dance but I dont think that's true.

I guess we all see where this is going... only in Seattle. Yuh, I'm the rebz/party girl/daaaym girl only in Seattle giiiiirl. I guess we'll see.. I'm freaking PUMPED!:D

Once I get back though, I got a whooole bunch of stuff to do/catch up on:
- grad write up, find quote, find baby picture
- pick casual pic for grad powerpoint
- apply for scholarships/bursuries, more schools (long overdue)
- update resume
- job hunting.. oh geez...
- eng poems?
- $45 for grad cruise
..& this is all to be accomplished first day back from my (would be) glorious weekend:( My my, the life of Abigail Solis

K gotta pack!
BRB 'til Monday(ish)!!!!

Sincerely B