Friday, April 10

I've been blogging quite a bit now, huh?

just wanted to write about last night so that i can never lose that moment. last night i experienced something entirely beautiful.

i actually prayed last night. like actually prayed; with my own words, speaking from my heart, letting them flow from with every heart beat and out my lips. like how it used to be. i was in such bliss, i did not want to open my eyes nor did i never want to move from my place. i was so moved by the moment at hand that i even sat in silence once words ran out just to prolong this other kind of happiness i was feeling. i smiled with my heart too, and with my eyes. the kind of feeling when you know you should be crying because of how much joy you're experiencing, but still, you were fulfilled. yeah that was me. that right there was the beginning of closure, and i did not want to leave for one second. i told God how scared out my whits to leave that place, that place of pure serenity. i was scared that i wouldn't be able to pray like that ever again.

another sense of enlightenment came upon me though: i absolutely can not live with out music. i've always admitted this cus i was born into music, but i've never realized the conviction i had for this simple statement until then . that moment . in Church . crazy eh?
more specifically, i can not be without choral music. i dont know how far this thought will take me, but i know how much importance it holds for me. i make such a big deal about concerts and such fighting for it at all costs because this music, in particular, reveals the side of me nothing else can. it unveils my heart for all the world to see. sadly, this will be the last time, my final bow. some people are fortunate enough to see and realize this. for them i'm truly grateful. all this revealed to you right now... its not even a pint size of the ammount of genuinity and true true self that i'm trying to articulate.

as selfish as it seems, i just pray that XPS doesn't happen just yet. or that it at the very least, that it happens on the Sunday night instead of both nights. i really want them all to be there. i'm already tres tres triste that Lanie and AJ can't be there. and i really want to be there too, performing with them. my only sure chance of being in PraiseTEAM, aha! now that i reeeeally think about, i miss the debuts for everything sickstylz: first practice, first party/chillage (outside of practice), debut in Vancouver, and now XPS. since Music came into my life, i've always been caught between my 2 (kinds of) loves: song and dance.

If all of you can be there that night of Saturday, May 30'09 at the Chan... I will never, ever forget you. You are/will be of great significance to me, & i shall carry you with me where ever i go and with whatever I pursue. I think you should see my passion at its finest since you are the reason i feel such love and joy day in and day out. You are the roots of my inspiration: the very basis of my loves. Your absolute prescence really does mean the world to me. Maybe one day you'll be fortunate enough to hear the whole journey with this gift Araujo has given me.

i really really hope you understand how important this is to me. i hope i hope i hope.


Lanie said...

hehehe you said my name :$

i heard xps isn't happening for the producion anymore though!

Lanie said...

oh yeah. HAHHAHA :(:(:(:( x50