Couch Potaaato

So it's a super nice day outside, nice breeze sun shining minimal clouds. Right now, however, I prefer to stay inside. How typical, B. Scratch that, all the sun's gone. But there's no more rain! Who am I kidding, I love the rain hahaha. Oh goodness, I'm rambling again. Nonetheless, an oppurtune time to gather and recollect while I prospect this retrospect that causes clutter. A lot stuff's has been going on around me, obvi I can't help but observe (but never intrude). A lot of speculations, un-thoughtfulness, opinionated peoples, hate, misjudgements, absolute rudenss, etc etc etc. Sucks that it's all negative, fsho. So I'd just like to say:

I hope you'll understand this time around. You can go about yo' biiiidnezz now. Unfortunately I was able to synthesize this long rant that resulted from your antics (editted version):

"[You] hurting everyone, and more so, [yourself] gives me reason to drop [people like you].
Because in hurting people I selflessly care about, [you] don't realize [you're] hurting yourself internally more than you think.
Since [you're] not aware of it being all caught up in the 'blissful' and 'flawless' beginning, the reality [you've] been avoiding will come full circle and with full force. Then [you'll] come crying back expecting [me] to be the same selfless person [I've] always been."

As for you, I am officially over you. Nothing's different, nothing at all: I'm still tired of your games, still considering your side, still thinking about you... but now, I'm choosing not to put up with it no more, not even for you. You can go and chase your dream now, I really don't blame you at all (though the bitterness that may be perceived). Thanks for lying to me all these years. Thanks for letting me fall for your tricks. Thanks for allowing me to change myself for you. Thanks for not caring. Thanks for never knowing.

Bittersweet: Reminisce that shiiiiii'

seattle TOMORROW yo! FINALLY, cotdamn. This performance has been waiting for me, man. But let's recall OG Seattle'07 when:

- Melodramatic existed. Haha! Miss you Jesse, Kyla, Nancy, Veronica?.................. :S.........
- 6th overall at IDC! The black stripe.. L O L M A N ! ! ! HAHA shoot, that's lame. This newb all girl group out placed us. They were really good though. We saw an American Severin!! Haha! He was dope. When krump was still emerging into the mainstream...
- My first time! HAHA eff "Absolut's the devil".. f/ckin RIGHT! I pretty much finished that bottle, ugh. & our shots were so inaccurate, like Mexican shot glasses x2!! Shoot, if we followed original plans and went to that party... Btw, the BIGGEST hangover ever. Ugh, yucks man. I still felt drunk throughout the entire (following) day. Puked everywhere around the outlets x68764644. Didn't get to shop:( That's how gross I felt. My moms knew too.. She thought there was something wrong with me:S She thought that I would stay rebz forever... Cus you know, I totally am. HAHA !!
- Snap, first time clubbing too! HAHAHA how could I have forgotten?!! & our moms dropped us off at the club too! HAHA yeeeeuh. I thought the club sucked, otherwise Seatown boys can't dance but I dont think that's true.

I guess we all see where this is going... only in Seattle. Yuh, I'm the rebz/party girl/daaaym girl only in Seattle giiiiirl. I guess we'll see.. I'm freaking PUMPED!:D

Once I get back though, I got a whooole bunch of stuff to do/catch up on:
- GTP GTP GTP GTP
- grad write up, find quote, find baby picture
- pick casual pic for grad powerpoint
- apply for scholarships/bursuries, more schools (long overdue)
- update resume
- job hunting.. oh geez...
- eng poems?
- $45 for grad cruise
..& this is all to be accomplished first day back from my (would be) glorious weekend:( My my, the life of Abigail Solis

K gotta pack!
BRB 'til Monday(ish)!!!!

Sincerely B

Sooo, Beebs is currently tired tired tired!:( Like reeeally tired. I've had two days this week now when I was fortunate enough to have 10 hours of sleep but I'd still be tired. & not like an over-slept kind of tired cus I know how that feels. :( I've been pretty consistant with my sleep these days before prior too, altering my pattern because of stupid chamber everyday. Except for that one night.. no more phone calls, B. There's a reason why you've stopped doing those. I guess that was what through me off. But anyway.. Looking back, I haven't had a break since before midterms I think. That also doesn't count the studying I put in for midterms, so reeeally... since before Christmas:( I really do wish I can blog everyday or at least every so often. My heart breaks (in ways more than one..) BUT...

Seattle soon, wuh wuuuhh. Freaking flashback yo. I am never doing that again. Hell no Tin, you are not going to talk me in to it. Only in Seattle man. Haha, hopefully that saying will apply to this year as well.

btw, http://lovvvecircle.blogspot.com/ :$...
this is really cute. Guess away!

TTFN

Sincerely, B

Thank God for time, cus now I finally have time to write. I've neglected to blog primarily cus of exams but majority would be cus my proc ess of filtering hasn't been too successful. But I do realize that I usually blog around the same time... Ladies, holler if you heeear me ;) Brava if you caught that clue but aaaanyway...

Exams were alright? Ha ha, this whole time I thought I was getting a 90 in Lit but newp. Nannery always told me not to worry about how i'm doing in her class, but I don't really know what that means anymore=\ hahaha. like I mentioned earlier, filtering hasn't been so great. Hooray for an 86 on the exam I was the most confident with. I should be happy right? But that was pretty much how I've been doing since the beginning. A lot of people who had once asked me for help like crazy are now flying past me. They deserve it of course, but there goes the only award I thought I'd be able to grab at grad. Ineed to filter. Math was bomb. Bomb in the bunk kind of way, btw. I've never failed a subject in my life. & I'm tired of blaming Millward and then myself. Tired of blaming, and then nothing. With gutless feelings. Momma didn't say much about it. One word, actually. I can only picture how much she's yelling at me inside her head though. It's to be expected from the one who was always top 3 with 99% in her class. Also expected cus I should be among the top in my class. Ahaaaa..

I honestly don't know about sickstylz or even dance in general. Thanks Marc for that second talk, but we all gotta pull our own as well as each other's weight man. I learn most from other people, but since it's pretty much been a dictatorship, nothing's been happening. I don't know man.. I don't know. Of anything

Choir.. haha, missed the first Chamber class back. But I didn't get in trouble! Yee. I deserve that mark on the written exam. I studied of course, not as well as I should have though. Sweet deal, performing for the Senate in two weeks. Or is the Senator? Haha.

God, I'm still working on it, I promise. My A in my rel essay proj stands for that! Aha, I guess our void and moreso, (mis)understanding of each other is normal in everyone's journey. But please come back quick. I'm tired of being Mother Teresa and just acting like everything is as strong as ever between us when it's not. When I had faith in You, I had faith in myself. Look at me now. No, don't look at me I'm pitiful. 'Like my momma,' says my pa. Ha. Too bad I love my ma, pops

Bottom line is, I have pretty much been wasted potential. That goes for the last three years of my highschool life as well. I need inspiration; I need to filter. I know i shouldn't be looking for it, I gotta let my muse find me, but I'm not the one that just waits for things to happen. I'm stuck. God help me. Then again it's just one of those days right? Huh

Sincerely B

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