Friday, May 8

all-nighter #2. forreal, i really have no reason to. i could have finished my explication in an hour or so since i was half way done anyway. still, i took my sweet ass time. never really realized the importance of such a line until my conversation with John Ray a couple hours ago.

we were simply talking about our plans after high school. shoot homeboy, gj gj on your acceptance to UBC. you deserved it for suuure. upon asking me how my UCI /California plans were going, i thought about my real response to a commonly asked question. "haha, we've only gotten as far as moving there in two years" and that i might reconsider Berkley again since i found out it's only 3 hrs away from UCI!... something along those lines was what i managed to come up with.

he shot back with somethin somethin somethin ... "lots of time"...
so true.

i gave back in agreement saying that all in all, i'm just milking everything for what's it worth right now since i've spent practically my whole life doing ten million things at once. i've never really taken advantage of all the opportunities that have been so graciously handed over to me with a silver bow. i've never really taken into appreciation the time in between the times of everything, the "journey between the notes" as Edette (one of my conductors/role models in life) would say.

for this reason, i don't mind being tired throughout the whole day [i'll mos def need to catch a Z or too here there so as not to be too crabby at the bridal stores for grad dress shopping (grad is at the end of the month btw), or so not to fall asleep during 17 Again, or the CCCCC concert in the later hour] because i found a dang lotta stuff that i've been in search for these past few months. Andrew Garcia, Randall Stroope and his peoples, Sara Teasdale (once again). if it weren't for these crazy artistes, i would not have found the beauty that's been aching to paint itself on this dark blank canvas that's been draped over shoulders. i was almost in tears sitting leaned over the lap top with my ear against the speakers melting with the genuinity of his tone, that A flat Major chord so perfectly sustained; my hand to my chest as i read the brilliance of the convicted and trembling soul of such vulnerability in her poetry.

for this, for these moments i will
sleep no sleeps but
lie awake in "my sole self"or
risk sleeping in my own requiem.

"sleep keeps [me] away from [my] dreams"
you dope David Moore


zeniamarisol. said...

"... i would not have found the beauty that's been aching to paint itself on this dark blank canvas that's been draped over shoulders"

loove loove this line
kept reading it over HAHA.:)

jusMElissa said...

shiiit abbey, good read.

jusMElissa said...

yeaaa homie i was up til 5am actually hahaa.

I was actually gona msg you cus i saw you online but iunno what happened. i kinda miss our hella random deep ass conversations though... which come like once MAYBE twice a year haha

but yea, talk soon! miss you homie.