today was too beautiful of a day, just want to be able to look back on it.

first off it literally was a beautiful day. the sun felt really warm + the winds were blowing so nicely, unlike how its been these past few days. I went all the way to UBC to grab some books for my research paper. I finally got to see what makes the campus so beautiful: autumn leaves everywhere, barely any people too [obviously since its a Saturday; I can actually hear myself in the SUB too]. got to explore A LOT more of the campus since the Music Library was kinda sorta on the other side. it took me a while to actually find it haha cus I thought the library was its own building. but wow was it rewarding. I felt like I was in Raise Your Voice; everywhere I turned there was something going on. I was just walking down the halls for a couple min and heard a Fine Arts group, (beautiful) pianist, and (stunning) opera singer rehearsing. it felt so(ul) good to feel such artistry again. goodness, I'm gonna change my topic I think..

"Every perfect work is the death mask
of its intuition.
The work is the death mask of conception." - Walter Benjamin
"...The death mask conjures a fleeting moment: the face frozen in death yet warm with life."

!!!! that was what the book began with! After finally getting the books I needed, I headed straight to Fitness Unlimited for Porson's workshop. shit was craaaazy yo. can't believe Vancity's dance community isn't as well known still. we gotta get on the map man, too much good shit in here haha. I missed Porson's and Donnel's collabo tho:( Bonus' was chiiiiill and Jerome & Ross: cotdamn as always. I hope they use that set for 24/7 or somethin. afterward I got hypothermia from drinking a slurpee and a Starbucks Double Shot outside while waiting for my bus. just kidding. but I was fuhreeeezing. then I arrived home to this. I miss those boys man <3

Too many good things happened today. could I be closer to home?.. *knock on wood**

Love, B

LookItTheOtherSide

this vid brought a lot of things into light for me, yet still, I can't quite make them out. "...trying to ignore your fears though they are still at your heels... But I believe deep inside where we want to be is home. To be where we are loved best of all. Wherever home is: family, friends, with God; no matter how far we stray away, its something inside us we always look for. We live searching for that comfort. A whole and pure sort of love."

Home... I have no idea where that is. I've been searching for that place for such a long time, but how do I know what I'm looking for or where it may be? what if it's not even real? I know I sound crazy for there's a "home" for everyone, even those unsheltered. but if I haven't gotten a clue as to what it actually felt like to once be there.. likewise if I have no memory of such a love or time.. then why do I still feel crummy? can't recall the last time I've entered a room just beeming cus I knew it'd be a good day. I'm not emz, forreal. haha. I just hate my stubborn persistence in catching fire, trapping wind, staring directly at the sun.

despite everything, I still live; I still love. & I am content.
therefor, this vid gives me hope.


on the other hand, Happy Birthday Donnel. thank you for your contemplative mind and heart, forreal. I really was looking forward to seeing you at prac today, aha.

"Minds innocent and quiet take / that for an hermitage." - Richard Lovelace
Love B

Gooooooood MORNING!! :)

I was kinda cranky/meh when my sister woke me up this morning like she usually does. I wanted to sleep in sooo bad today! but I feel so good HAHA! like one of those mornings that feel great? HAHA I don't want to hype it up so much cus I'm not THAT happy, just not groggy. I feel good :)

don't think I've mentioned this yet, but.. laaast month(?) I had a dream that I was working at some place like the PNE and while I was running concession, this lady cut in front of the line cus she needed me to bring her to the washroom. I found out that she was having a baby :O not just any baby, but f/cken MUTATED babies!!!!! yes PLURAL!! it looked like some fricken The Matrix or some shit o.O then later on I was working at some hood restaurant and every time it switched scenes, I was having an abundant meal with lotsa lotsa rice with one of my family members HAHA!

yeeeeah.. I either dream WEIRD or not dream at all and with that, I never remember my dreams LOL. so I searched it up and discovered that baby dreams calls for important/significant change, mind you there were mutant babies meaning BIG change. rice means good fortune? food is good and settlement in the home.. somethin like that. haha oddly enough, it's all practically true! I'm a freaking freshman!!! I work in retail and I hope to get a start on choreographing, or at least freestyling, whenever I can *knock on wood**

Corpus is a whoooole lot better than expected. at first, I was hella NOT excited about going there: small school, same faces, small school. aha! I've been university bound since the day I was born. doesn't help when you get accepted to your dream school too. but nah, there's some real nice people over there. everyone's outgoing haha! took a lot of getting used to, aha but I'm slowly opening up more and more. I met someone who's pretty similar to me btw:| haha, not saying I don't like her. its just wrird. aha. I'm pretty satisfied with my course load and profs: pysch 100, philosophy 104, econ 201, math 100, eng 110... UGH! ENGLISH! my teacher's ajsdnhaiwdah!!!!!! she thought I was freaking ESL! I'm a freaking Arts student with Eng & Lit as my best subjects! geesh, I was in AP English for a while too! (school system's diff at St Pats) she even requested for me to get a tutor holy fuuuuuhh! there's still a possibility of me transferring out but no notification yet. ugh, other than that! thing's are lookin good.. good lookin.. ha. =)

that's right y'all.. I work in retail. I already cringe just typing that haha! Forever 21 suckas. & I work with Gino, Jessa AND Chad HAHA! :D they're actually pretty legit! the company I mean. haha, in a sense that like we can't hold items for you, you can't get stuff off the manequin even if it's that last one of something. our discount is (only) 10% and only the manager/DM can ring you through. everything's final sale if I were to buy it for you. sorry in advanced! I think I'll be ok tho.. ah! pray for me man. haha. hope I'll last.

dance dance dance. mmm, still pretty shy haha. & I mean 'whenever I can' as plainly as it says, even if it calls for being at the groceries, park, random places around school. hehe

but yup! just a (not so) little update. I shall talk to you lata!!!

Love, B

Nostalgia
- a sentimental yearning for happiness of a past time

I hate nostalgia. No emo, kinda. haha
(refer to blog entry here & skim but emphasize on paragraph 6 here)


If Love Should Count You Worthy

If love should count you worthy,
and deign one day
to seek your door,
and be your guest,
Pause! ere you draw the bolt and bid him rest
if in your old content you would remain.

For not alone he enters: in his train
are angels of the mist,
the lonely quest,
dreams of the unfulfilled
the unpossessed,
and sorrow,
and life's immemorial pain.

He wakes desires you never will forget;
He shows you stars you never saw before;
He makes you share with him forevermore
the burden of the world's fine regret.

How wise you were to open, not!
and yet, how poor if you should turn him from your door.

If love should count you worthy.

"If you look in the dictionary, you will always find hardworking before successful."

this past week has just been nuts. nuts nuts nuts. I think I've never felt all these emotions.. ALL AT ONCE and within days of each other. I swear my bad day streak would never end. since I was also experiencing pre "woman's week", I have nooo idea how I was able to smile through it all. through it all I've discovered that when it comes down to it, I will always have dance.

funny cus, all summer. all I've been doing was taking class after class. I freaking LOVED it! I followed my goal for once and took at least 2 classes a week, with the exception of a week or too. pretty hard to believe, but I've been dancing for as long as I can remember but I think these past few years was when I really started dancing. whether it was a class, a performance, or simply some footage I was watching, I'd pay attention to sooo much detail. it's not even funny, haha. I'd closely observe the way a specific move was hit, how each may have been felt, how much energy is required for the first 3 counts then how much control as well as relaxation the rest of the 8 needed. I took even closer notes on how my body specifically was moving like how I involve my shoulders way too much with a lot of movements and that my arms may be clean but my angles are weird haha. and forreal, I never take class or perform for the same reasons every time. haha umm.. like I usually take Jomee's whenever I can not to get choreo but so that my body can get used to moving so suddenly and differently. wait, I guess that's the same thing as getting choreo lol (btw, Jerome Esplana 3:30 to 4:30 Saturdays at Harbour). haha but anyway..

I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess I just wanted to put word out there for Jerome.. haha and for my personal reference. like notes for a quiz, this'll be notes for a performance. yeah. haha k peace.

btw visit my youtube channel. I wanted to post a whole stream of choreo vids I've been watching, but since I haven't done so in a while, there'd be too many lol. my user is n00BEEBS.

Love, B