Selah

- Lauryn Hill

Nothing can be done against the truth, No matter how we remain in denial
Wasting time Replacing time With each empty excuse
But that'll only work a little while

Coping with despair
Knowin' you're not there
Ashamed to just admit
I've been a fool
So I blame it on the son, Run away from everyone
Hoping to escape this ridicule

Trapped in misery Wrapped so miserably
In this deception that I'm wearin' it like a skin
Dying to maintain
Oh I keep trying to explain
A heart that never loved me to begin

Oh I'm such a mess, I have no choice but to confess
That I've been desperately trying to belong
Lying to myself and everyone else
Refusing to admit my right was wrong.

And then he came, "Selah"
Oh and it means
Praise and Meditation
And then he came, "Selah"
Oh and it means
Did ya think about that?
And then he came, "Selah"
Oh and it means
Praise and Meditation
And then he came, "Selah"
Oh and it means
That it is seen

How beautiful is fruit still in denial of its roots?
My guilty heart behaves so foolishly
This treason from within That reasons with my sin
Won't be happy til' it sees the death of me

Selfishly addicted To a life that I depicted
C o n f l i c t e d 'cause it's not reality
'Oh what's left of me?' I beg you desperately
Cause me to agree to what I know is best for me

Please save me from myself
I need you to save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can heal

The choices that I make
Oh have been nothing but mistakes
What a wasted use of space

Should I die before I wake?

In all of my religion I've fortified this prison
Obligated to obey
The demands of bad decision

Please save me from myself
I need you to save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can heal

And then he came, "Selah"
Oh and it means
Praise and Meditation
And then he came, "Selah"
Oh and it means
Did ya think about that?
And he came, "Selah"
Oh and it means
Meditation
And then he came, "Selah"
Oh and it means
That it is seen

... And then he came.

Metacognition; 'thinking about thinking' at its finest. finally gave this song the lovin' it deserves. it started playing as I called out my usual "Thank you" to the bus driver. heard the first few chords followed by the first few words to the song and subconsciously headed in the direction to the park near my house.

can't recall if i've blogged about the significance of my expeditions to my most favorite place in the world, but in a nut-shell, having one of these always equal to momentuous levels of significance for me. i also find that its always some song that i'm listetning to that drives me to take a walk this walk back to reality (something to take note of). you'll probably get the jist of it as i continue on so i shall continue on ...

i remember the topic of dope Lauryn Hill / Fugees came up during SickStylz one time, and 'Selah' was brought up. i remember Cas' face lighting up upon hearing it; haven't seen this kind of joy in her eyes in a while. she ecstatically asked me if i knew the song, then she commented on the lyrics. haven't heard anyone speak about the lyrics to a song in a while too. & i mean the lyrics, yo. now i did have the song on my computer and in my mp3 (cus i'm so broke ass & my ipod got stolen in Cuba exactly last year), but it wasn't one of the songs of Lauryn's that i intently listen too. i remember the day so perfectly after our conversation. she danced with a new kind of meaning; there was a new kind of grace and liberty in her movement. she seemed so calm, so settled, at peace.

this entire moment replayed in my head as the song went on, and so i continued walking lit book in one hand, shoes that i grabbed from work to lend my sister in the other. the words were difficult to catch on at first, this due to my lack of focus as a stupid pedestrian. i thought and i thought and i thought constantly digging deeper. selah... selah... finally reached the park and a whole new atmosphere immerged, as with every adventure to this place. i walk a literal new path every time: crossing a different section in the grass, picking up my feet a ceratain way in the sand. i don't even make sure of it, it just happens. i walk to the place and in the way that song tells me, as if i was dancing in my own thoughts. selah... selah...

wow, i can honestly say that i can 'explicate' this song talking about it for hours and hours. & this isn't a conversation with confidence, for i still don't quite understand what Ms. Hill is trying to tell me. the equivocal-ity of brilliance she wrote about is just amazing. like Lisa & Ro said in lit earlier today, it's one of those (poems) that you enjoy simply reading so much because of the natural beauty each word was crafted in. still, you find it difficult when trying tell / write about every thought that both you and/or the (artist) have come across. you as the reader don't want to cross the line and misinterpret such a beauty.

i got home and looked up the lyrics still lost in her words, still with the song on replay. gosh, the verses speak for itself and i can 'close read' this song, line by line and will never capture its essence in its entirety.

though i misheard the hook, i think i caught a whiplash without even turning my head. those specific words within the chorus hit me so hard, i don't think i've ever felt this way about a song before.

And then He came, "Selah"
oh enemies
Praise and Meditation
And then He came, "Selahv"
Oh and it means
That it is seen

what's left to say is, this was the light that i needed. inspite of my intense bitter days that's just been stringing together, these wrong lyrics started such a fire within me. not a fire of passion, but of absolute pain. pain resulting from the stupidness of my thoughts, actions, and feelings. i've been angry with my friends for being stuck in themselves. i've been angry with my ma for (still) expecting to much from me. i've been angry with myself for listing meaningless excuses for my lack of muse, my disfavor for specific peoples.

... & all for what ?

Selah: "Let those with eyes see and with ears hear"
like 'Amen', stresses the importance of reality of what was said

i can't believe i thought so vulgarly
stared with deceiving eyes
spat with a quick tongue
spoke of utter frailites
not so much of myself, but of others.

And then God came, "Say love, oh enemies"
Praise in meditation
And then He came, "Say love, oh enemies"
D i d y o u t h i n k ' b o u t that ?
And then He came, "Say love"
That l o v e is seen .